i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
where am i from again
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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