Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Randomize
