oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
