You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize