i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
