I wish my penis had an off switch
thus making me awesome and them whores
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
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Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
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I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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