Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
