There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
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