We're facebook friends in real life
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Randomize
