I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
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