Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
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