i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
We're not piercing ourselves today.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
