it's too hot outside to masturbate.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Everclear isn't food dammit
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
