distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
