did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
