It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
zippers are such a cool invention
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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