Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
