Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
