His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
