dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
