every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
he fucked my hip out of place.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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