There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
