Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
