she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
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Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
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I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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