i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
