oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
