I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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