they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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