I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
