put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
