Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
