By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
