Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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