I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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