I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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