Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize