Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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