4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
