oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
