I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
