I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Randomize
