The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
My ATM looks so different sober.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
