I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
