I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Randomize
