I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
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