Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
