I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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