bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Randomize
