If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
