Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
