Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
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