if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
