so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
She announced her abortion via fbk
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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