dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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