so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
