i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
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