I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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